The Older I Get
by fojg24-aka 24
Summary: A song fic


Disclaimers:

"The Pretender" and its characters don't belong to me they belong to TNT and NBC and are being used without permission. Please don't sue because I have no money.

"The Older I Get" Song and Lyrics don't belong to me they belong to Skillet and are being used without permission. Please don't sue because I have no money.

Author's Note: Thank you to JMPcraze12 for the idea for this fic.

The walls between  
You and I

Always pushing us apart nothing left but scars fight after fight

I know you think that I'm trying to hurt you trying to open your eyes to what the Centre really is. You think that I'm trying to hurt you, but I'm not. You have to realize that. I know that you call me names and it hurts. You don't think that doesn't hurt me? That the words you call me hurt me? It feels like a slap in the face when you put me down and talk to me the way you do. Sometimes I just have to step back and lick my wounds. Your words bruise my soul.

The space between  
Our calm and rage   
started growing shorter, disappearing slowly day after day

I can feel your walls crumbling day after day, year after year. I can feel that you don't want to be the way you are. The more time goes on and the things you hear and see inside the Centre I feel that you are mellowing towards me. It's like the ocean it ebbs and flows. One day we can talk to each other like normal and then the next day we are yelling at each other. I wish that we could talk normally.

I was sitting there waiting in my room for you  
You were waiting for me too  
And it makes me wonder

When I was inside the Centre I would sit there and wait for you to be on another day of adventures and fun. I could see that you were happy to see me too by the way you would smile at me. I loved your smile and wished it would come out more often. You used to like talking to me and you would seek me out, but then your father took you away from me. He sent you off to boarding school and I never got to see you again.

The older I get  
Will I get over it  
It's been way too long for the times we missed

The times that we missed being raised how we were. You being trained to hate me. Me being kept in the darkness trained to hurt and kill people. There are so many things that we missed growing up apart. We missed dating and we missed our second kiss. We missed so much of our lives together. I wished that we had that back, but it can never happen. What was done to us should have never happened.

I didn't know then it would hurt like this but I think  
The older I get  
Maybe I'll get over it  
It's been way too long for the times we missed  
I can't believe it still hurts like this

There are times when I wonder if I'll get over you if I'll get over the hurt. When time passes will it stop hurting? I don't know, but I can only hope it does. I can hope there will be a time for us to be together. I can hope that there will be a time to get back what we missed. If I could go back in time and fix things I would do that in a minute, but I can't.

The time between  
Those cutting words   
Built up our defenses never made no sense it just made me hurt   
Do you believe  
That time heals all wounds  
It started getting better but it's easy not to fight when I'm not with you

When I'm with you I feel like I'm home, but you don't feel that way with me. With your hateful words it's hard not to be hurt. We yell at each other and we attack each other before the other can hurt us. We have built walls around our shattered hearts. I don't want to be hurt by you and you don't want to be hurt by me. That is why we attack first before the other can do harm to us.

I was sitting there waiting in my room for you  
You were waiting for me too  
And it makes me wonder

The older I get  
Will I get over it  
It's been way too long for the times we missed

I didn't know then it would hurt like this but I think  
The older I get  
Maybe I'll get over it  
It's been way too long for the times we missed  
I can't believe it still hurts like this

What was I waiting for  
I should've taken less and given you more  
I should've weathered the storm  
I need to say so bad  
What were you waiting for  
This could have been the best we ever had

When I escaped I should have helped you too. I helped so many people, people that I never knew, but the one person that I knew the most who was my friend I never helped. I would try to give you truths when all your father would give you lies, but you threw it in my face. Maybe if I first helped you then that would have changed. Maybe if I did we could have stayed together. Maybe we would have had the chance to stay in one place and build a family. Instead of you chasing me to bring me back to win the approval of your father. I wished that we could have been, but I know that it could never happen.

I didn't know then it would hurt like this but I think  
The older I get  
Will I get over it  
It's been way too long for the times we missed

But I think  
The older I get  
Maybe ill get over it  
It's been way too long for the times we missed  
I can't believe it still hurts like this

I'm just getting older  
I'm not getting over you I'm trying to  
I wish it didn't hurt like this  
It's been way too long for the times we missed  
I can't believe it still hurts like this

I wish that we didn't hurt each other with insults and hateful words, but we both have walls built up around our hearts afraid that we would trample on it, or something will happen to one of us. I know that is why you push me away because you are afraid of getting hurt. Don't you think that is why I do the same?

We missed so many things, but I would like to make it up to you. I would like to have the white picket fence and have the children and a family, but only if it's with you. Maybe one day when we know the Centre is gone and they can't hurt us anymore. When you don't have to hide behind the ice queen you pretend to be maybe then we can have the life that we were meant to have, but now we have to wait. Time heals all wounds. I believe that. I hope that you will too.


End file.
